Put it In The Jar: The Wittiest and Weirdest Quotes from ‘New Girl’s’ Schmidt

“New Girl’s” Winston Saint-Marie Schmidt is one of those unserious personalities that everyone loves dearly. Despite being a douchebag, Schmidt had the wittiest and most hilarious lines in the series. Although the series ended a while ago, Schmidt’s lines are still being used as captions and in our daily lingo. Here are five of his funniest lines.

“Can someone get my towel?…next to my Irish walking cape?”

It’s hilarious enough to think that a guy said this and not a woman. We all know that Schmidt has very specific taste, unlike his roommates. The Irish walking cape he mentioned always cracks us up. What does he need it for?

Courtesy: Buzzfeed

Schmidt started putting his towel in the bedroom because he noticed it was always wet in the bathroom; of course, Nick had been using the same towel. In the end, nobody brings his towel for him.

“Can we just take a moment to celebrate me?”

This is one of those lines that reveals Schmidt’s blatantly honest side. Although he was a supportive friend who always sacrificed for his friends, he occasionally reminded them that he was a bit self-centered.

Courtesy: Pinterest

At the end of the show’s first season, Jess is hurt that no one told her Schmidt and Cece were hooking up. Amidst his roommates’ anger, Schmidt delivers this line to tell them to be happy for him– and it didn’t go well.

“Girl, I’mma Marry You”

Although the first time we saw Schmidt interact with Cece was when she came to help Jess out on a date, they met before then. The season five flashback shows us where they met at the door, and Schmidt told her this line.

Courtesy: Pinterest 

He had to drop five dollars in the douchebag jar for that comment. The sweet thing about this line is when he reminds her of the line as he proposes to her. He told her that the money was still in the jar and he had loved her since then.

“…I once figured out Alyssa Milano’s phone number just by randomly choosing numbers.”

As much as this statement sounds like a lie, it is the absolute truth. This is one of those statements that remind us that Schmidt is one of the most determined people in his apartment. The statement is both creepy and impressive.

Courtesy: Reddit

You can imagine the level of persistence and determination a person possesses to keep dialing random numbers until they get the right number. Indeed, Schmidt never gives up something once he has put his mind to it.

“Are you the criminals? From the statistics?”

Schmidt asks a hilarious question that makes us wonder what answer he was expecting. In this funny scene, Schmidt and Cece were given a crime statistics packet as they settled into their new place.

Courtesy: Tenor

Since they were so engrossed in the crime statistics, it wasn’t surprising that they got so freaked out when Schmidt’s friends tried to sneak in via the window. Schmidt asked this question in total horror– it was funny to see him so scared.

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